Quick ramblings in Dec

Every night when I climb into bed I think, "I have never been this tired in my life. There is no way I am going to rejuvenate by tomorrow. So done. Well done. Burnt even." and then.....if all goes well overnight I wake up in the morning with the sun or the rain and feel like I can go on one more day.

...said every mom, every day, ever.

I stay prayerful for peace in the world but know that with so many polarizing ideals- it's just not gonna. I focus on peace at home first, mostly- peace within. I find that in Jesus (obvi-). I'm a realist and a Jesus lover and a liberal and an optimist. and I'm super into labels. Sidenote: Labels don't put things in a box for me, it's just a good way of taking bullet points on life. It helps with the recall and it also helps that I never expect for someone to stay inside of their label box. Let it all hang out,Loves!

The troubling times are no surprise are they? Just keep looking out for those do-gooders like Mr. Rogers said and be one of them too. Help someone this holiday season. Adopt an angel, bless a family with a Christmas budget if you can- pay for the person behind you in line at the Drive Thru. These things give me hope. Amidst the chaos of violence and hate and crime and pain is something still so pure and good and righteous- it's love. 

Things are changing every day in the Scalf household- stay tuned for more vetted out shenanigans. 

Here's some hope and a smile. 

White Noise

There are two babies living in my house. I have managed to wrangle them for 12 whole months. I wouldn't trade the double diaper change, the double burp, the double carseats, the double stroller the double shift or the double duty for anything. I am the leader of this v. cool little gang and they look just like me and the person I love the most. They are my little pack. We're a clique. Or a crew- depending on which car we're in. #shoutout <---- only a select few will understand this joke, but it was worth it.

When I first came home from the hospital, the babies had beat me home. I was out of immediate danger but very weak. I wasn't allowed up the stairs because the trip to the mailbox was like a marathon and any activity took recovery time. Because that's how we're wired, my babies needed me. They needed me and when they did they would cry. I was so weak that it took much effort to get to them and tend to their need, and I would get there-slowly..but they needed their needs met with a quickness.

For the first 6 weeks it was necessary for us to have a night nanny. I had already hired a full time nanny to help me get in a rhythm for the first year or so. Every book I read (and there were several) suggested that paid help is the best buy when you have multiples. The other best buy? A white noise machine. <--I'll get back to that.

A family friend was available to help us out during that time and would work 10pm-6am Sun-Thursday nights. Trey had to go back to work and needed decent sleep and I was in full recovery mode- following doctor's orders and resting resting resting.

The weekends we were on our own and we got into a routine quickly. Bath, lotion, bottle/reading, music/rocking, bed. The wake ups were well orchestrated while I pulled the babies from the side sleeper to change their diapers Trey would heat up their bottles in the kitchen. We would feed, burp, feed, burp and back down they went. This went flawlessly, I must say. They would only wake two-three times a night and were never inconsolable. We created a healthy and strong night time routine and Jesus had mercy on our souls. the end.

The white noise was a life saver. I read endless articles about what it does for baby's brain waves and how it helps drown out outside noise. It also drowns out each cry from the other baby- this. was. love.  Before the babies were born we slept with the TV on. Trey has terrible tinnitus and while I was prego it worked because I was up much of the night anyway going to the bathroom, throwing up in my mouth and other fun pregnancy activities. I became accustomed to great 4am shows on Nick like Instant Mom and other goodies. #thanksobama Anyway, with the babies in the room leaving the TV on wasn't an option. Our poor little pudding cups already had to do a bunch of bells and whistles in the hospital so we wanted to give them the best opportunity for a night's sleep possible.

When I was a kid I spent half my time at my best friend's house. They were big on noise makers. I never knew why. Now I do. Loud life. #onelove

The white noise machine kept it so you couldn't hear every squeak and hiccup from the baby. If I did hear it, I would jolt awake like I was falling and my heart would race and I would sometimes panic. I felt like if my babies were in need I wouldn't be able to get to them fast enough because I was so weak.
The white noise helped keep my mind clear so I could sleep without panic.
The white noise helped create a background noise so Trey's ears weren't ringing all night and keeping him up. When the night nanny was there, the white noise machine stayed in my room (there were 2) and it kept me from hearing the babies up with the nanny so I could get that sleep I so desperately needed to heal my body.
The white noise kept us all from hearing the dogs snoring. After all- two adults, two infant and two great danes all sleeping in one room can get....loud!
After the night shift was dissolved the babies stayed in our room for about 3 weeks after they started sleeping through the night. After much prayer (and a little xanax) we decided to move the babies in to their own room- each in their own crib. This caused a whole new need for the white noise machine. I needed it in their room so their noises didn't wake the other and I needed it in my room because now it was far too quiet with the babies gone. After time- Trey's c-pap machine became my new white noise. The sound of it brings such a comfort to me. Sounds silly maybe. My husband is such a comfort to me and was during those very scary times. Hearing that white noise calms me. It settles me. I have 2 white noise machines that go with us out of town wherever we go. I have a white noise app on my phone that plays at night next to my bed. With the baby monitor and Trey's c-pap, the app on my phone and the fan in our bathroom it's like a symphony of white noise in our bedroom and I LOVE IT. I am at peace. Now go, find your white noise.

Solo 3:4 for my anniversary

When I met him I was working as an interpreter in an elementary school and he was a parent of a student. We were easy acquaintances and the conversation was effortless. He was married, I was in a relationship and time marched on. 

When I met him again he was a single man. He looked different and it felt different. He pursued and wooed. He showed up and shored up.

When we were dating Trey would show up at my house in the morning before work and wake me with a Starbucks drink-o-the-day. This happened on the reg. When we went out on dates he opened my car door, pulled out my chair and treated me like a queen. (He still does this. Chivalry is not dead...usually)

When he proposed on that stage in that foreign country I knew I had hit the jackpot. We have the best time together and everything was exactly as it should be. The faster we both ran toward God the easier the relationship became. In our ultimate decision to "elope" before the actual wedding we were blessed. We were blessed by taking an obedient step and went on to have an amazing wedding. 

I'm an optimist- never needed a fairy tale- but this prince of mine landed right in my lap when I least expected it. 

When biology, science, genetics and hormones came into play last year- I almost died. I was too sick to admire the incredible bouquet that my husband had sent for our 2 year anniversary. I made it once to the living room to admire them. I sat down and wept. I wasn't sure if I would see our 3 year anniversary. I didn't know what was happening at the time- but I knew it wasn't good. Still he found time in the middle of our chaos to bless me, honor me, cherish me and pray over me. 

When people told me I would fall more in love with him seeing him be a daddy, I balked. No way I could fall more in love with him. He's my person, my lobster, all the other sickening things that can't be taken apart, that's us. HOLY FLIPPIN WOW. You people were right. Seeing him be a daddy is the best gift that God gives me on the daily. I fall more in love with him every day and I see his sweet spirit in my children and that makes me love them even more- which is barely possible. 

When you have twins people are full of stories- about half horror. I walk in positivity and light and my feet are led by Jesus so it didn't affect me much. I got a lot of warnings and advice and more advice and warnings. What I didn't hear was how amazing it is being a twin mom because of the extra time spent with the hubs. Any decent twin dad isn't going to sit back and let the mom do double the work if he's available to help. Trey has come up beside me and gotten his hands dirty time and time again. I am honored to parent with him- not only to #dembabies but also to Sam and Max. 

Life has been so good to me. I have a wonderful family and I married the man that was made for me. Together we are unstoppable. We love each other so fiercely that our cups are so full and overflowing that it affects everyone we meet- and that's awesome. #alsoJesus

Happy Anniversary Trey.

Lovingly: Bombay

Bad behavingly: Terry

Not listeningly: Taylor

Inappropriately: Tory

Recently: Sugar

I love you the whole much.

We're No. 1! We're No. 1!

Snaps to all my peeps for a great party for #dembabies numero uno. *snapping* The attendance was on point, the laughs were in abundance and the sweets were everywhere! My two Scalf-mates were in a great mood and loved digging into their "1" cakes made by their Cookie. While they couldn't have cared less about gifts, every single one was thoughtful and wonderful and saved Trey and I thousands of dollars in possible toy purchases. If we ever go to the store they won't be able to ask for toys, they already have it all.

Today is one of those beloved heavenly days when we have our nanny. We don't have her full time anymore because the babies are pretty much a breeze- but we entertain and have other family and errands to run- etc so it's nice to have her here a couple days a week to help wherever needed. I mean, whereEVER needed. This angel cleans my children's playroom meticulously. She keeps them fed and changed and clean and happy and I could not have done this past year without her. She has blessed my family in so many ways I can't even begin to list it all here..Her family named her Evelyn, but to us- she's Tia. Dru tries really hard to say her name, he's already pronouncing the "t".  Reminds me of how easy it was to teach babies that I was around all the time to call me Tata. #suckas Roxanne has started in on the "s". I think she wants to say "Sossy". Welcome back from that rabbit hole. So you see what Tia has had to deal with over the last year. I'm not the easiest person to get along with, but I'm close. Tia is a strong contender. She came home and loved on my babies when I was fighting for my life in the hospital.
My best friend contacted me from my home where she was one of many (my mom, Cookie, Jerri) taking care of my babies on Tia's first day of work.
**Me: How's she doing? Gigi: You run a tight ship, she's keeping up.
That. was. everything. I was barely a mom and already running a tight ship!?!? Y E S!!
So that's how Jesus completely poured favor all over my family in the name of a nanny called Tia.

I know a lot of moms feel like the first year is a blur. It went by quickly, but I was sure to slow down and remember. Write memories on my heart, take in the moment, revel in the beauty of being a mom. There were days when I was busier than a cat covered in poop on a tin roof (thanks daddy) but then there was Jesus, and for me? He makes everything alright. Every little thing is going to be alright. Jesus is MY Bob Marley. Profound- I know.

So it's Fall and starting to get lovely outside. I'm trying not to mourn for the last year (like I really want to as a Mom) because I don't want to miss this part! Last year when sweatshirt season started I was weak. I could barely get up the stairs (not that anyone would let me) to get my babies' clothes brought down. This year the trick or treating and the leaves and the fires and the hoodies-it's so different. And I want to enjoy every bit of it with my sweet family.


**A summation. One could never share an exact replica of a conversation between myself and Jennifer Dooley.

1 Year photos coming next week....

Small dish 4 U

I desperately long for something meaningful to share with my people, but I am at a block. 

There is a season upon this house that is...thick.

Trey and I are digging in and being relationally more intentional with our friends and making time for our family-small last minute memories-while time slips painfully through our fingers. It takes with it happiness and fear and relief, but we are opened up for more experiences as parents, as friends, as husband and wife. That's just how time is, I guess. 

The Lord was relentless on our hearts about leading a bible study in our home. Looking back this was a decision we should have made long ago. But.... Jesus is patient and we now have a great group that we are just getting to do life with as it relates to our feelings and thoughts and prayers. Loving that. 

Our long to adventure is mixed with a deep love for our home-and the people in it. When we are gone as a family we enjoy every exposure to the new and remain grateful for our opportunity and for the beauty that God has hidden all over. When we are in Colorado his mountains scream with His favor. Driving home through middle America-ish where the hills carry out the grass to the sky and the oil rigs look like postcard pictures. I am so enjoying this life with my family. I am loving giving the twins exposure to the world, but I especially love being able to guard them from the bad stuff (ohhhhh but when they get older...#jesustakethewheel). 

Zooming out, there are many in our lives who hurt and we hurt with them. There are many in our lives who rejoice and we follow suit. Still so many to find peace, so we just pray. 

Zooming in. My babies. Almost a year. Not many things I would do over if I had it do all over again. I bet I'm super lucky just to be able to say that. 

I'm sure a very momming, bragging, emo sesh is on its way, but for now- we rest. 

Loving you all the times. 

Love Diatribe

When you get that feeling in your stomach and butterflies overtake your body and your heart is pounding so loud you can hear it in your ears and you can hear your breathing...that is attraction. It could be love, but the symptoms are ever-present in attraction. Quick question: (rhetorical;obvi) Who told you to fall in love with your mate? Did your parents pick him/her out and set their hopes high on a relationship that you would fall into with this person they chose for their most beloved child? Did your neighbor make a pros/cons list and weigh the facts before they chose your mate for you? Did your boss create a spreadsheet outlining the reasons you and your partner would be a match set? Did any person besides your self and your mate have the butterflies or the breathing or the heart pounding?

So- did you fall in love on your own? Did attraction lead to action to relationship to attention to feelings to L O V E????? I think when you find your person (long or short term) there will be lots of thoughts and opinions but here's mine. Don't tell me who to love. My Heavenly Father sent His son Jesus to die so that I could choose love. In a parallel sacrifice, men and women of our armed forces go to war EVERY DAY to possibly die so that I can choose where to worship, where to live, where to eat, where to sleep.Whom. To. Love. 

I am whole body satisfied that #dembabies will never live in a world where people who love each other can't get married. That just isn't what America is about. That isn't what "freedom" means to me.  There are BILLIONS of feelings on this subject but I found my little corner of comfort and it's right here, in Jesus. If you haven't been there, in the midst of a relationship with someone of the same sex, you really have no idea what you're talking about. 

I was. I was in a relationship with a woman. I was a Christian, a citizen, active in my church, active in my community, surrounded by loving friends and family, a dog lover- a neighbor- a helper- a friend. When those feelings of attraction come over us, we don't choose. We don't set our eyes on someone and make a blatant decision of where the chemistry is taking us. I fell in love with a woman for who she was, not what she was. 

One of my favorite college English professors stole this Death of a Salesman quote but used to tell us this all the time. "Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself." He used to enjoy particular poking at the bible and the many ways it contradicts itself. He was a Christian but knows that this book, with all of it's Spirit-written wisdom, has one theme. Love. 

We simply cannot continue to condemn those who contradict themselves and then ask each other "Why are they not running to Jesus??" The contradiction is too strong. The more we judge and persecute and explain and throw bibles the further they run from the truth of God's love. The more they run from the one whole truth that I have ever known fully, L O V E. 

I'm so FAVORED for the husband I have who believes these truths just like I do. He sees Jesus for what He is. My honey is that Jesus with skin on, bones and all walking about making light in the dark for people. That's what we do, that's what LOVE does. 

I'm not sharing this so people will drop their prejudices-they won't. I am not asking you to change your stance on gay marriage- you won't. I'm asking you to stop wondering why people aren't running to Jesus when you're standing at the door pointing your finger at their LOVE. Just don't! That's not what Jesus would do, so stop going the other way with it. 

p.s. Does 1 Corinthians 13:13 mean nothing to you people?

p.p.s. "What part of it is finished don't you understand"- TSlough #shoutout #crosstimbers #wecanstillbefriends

Ministry of Me 2

If you have grown up in church (or have ever been) you may or may not have heard the term "The ministry of Me Too."

When I first heard it- I knew that it was MY ministry. The best way that I can relate to others is by relating what they are going through to what I have been through. 

I have had a good life but with enough "near misses" that I am impacted by my experiences in a communicative way. I have experienced loss and sickness and grief and tragedy and unfairness just enough that through His glory- I can talk about it openly and honestly and help other people not feel so alone when they are going through the same thing. 

There are some bad things that happen that have no answers or explanation. Those are the times when we have to reach down deep inside of ourselves and recognize that while this sucks, it just opens us up to more opportunity to love on others who will go through the same thing. We all need each other in a very corny Boy Meets World way that a lot of us aren't willing to admit yet. Don't worry hard hearted friends, you will get there. You will be ridiculously optimistic one day too, if you let yourself. 

The thing about God is...if in His infinite wisdom He created the earth and its people and creatures and minds then I am almost positive He can handle my shenanigans. C'mon, little ole me?!!?? There's nothing going on with me that is too big for Him! And when it's done going on I will either let it create cynicism in me OR I will apply it for future use in my Ministry of Me Too. 

The point? We are entrenched in information daily and we all know at least one over sharer. If you're feeling like sharing join the Ministry of Me Too and touch someone's heart. 

No one should feel alone or ashamed, we all have junk. The end. 

Happy BD to My Babies- a short,mellow drama.

I promised myself I would share my birth story before #dembabies turned 1.


Here's how it went down...

I was 34 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I had been battling gestational diabetes fighting a diet and finger pricks and shots of insulin. My body hates me so naturally I wasn't responding to the insulin. My blood pressure had become a little erratic and I wanted to D I E.

[Sidenote: To ME, pregnancy is its own form of torture. I was sick all day every day for 4 months and after that felt like my guts were going to burst through my vagina at any moment, any step, any cough. I honor those women who have had many pregnancies and loved it and I pray for those who wanted pregnancy and haven't had it. But for me? I was not a good pregnant pupil.]

While I was visiting the hospital for a NST (non stress test) my doctor decided to keep me for observation because of all the fun things my body was doing. The babies were healthy but he wanted to watch my blood pressure and check my protein to rule out preeclampsia. I cried like a baby when he told me he was going to keep me for a few days. I had never slept in the hospital and I couldn't sleep as it was and I didn't have my hospital bag, dangit! 

My last picture of my bump @DRMC

Fast forward 4 days and many ADA (American Diabetic Association) approved meals later Dr A came in for my daily sonogram. I am not going to lie- I was looking for any way to speed up this whole labor and delivery process and I know he wanted me cooking for a couple more weeks, at least 5 more days. At last check both babies were head down and vaginal delivery was a possibility. After a quick check Roxy was transverse and Dru was a bit low on fluid. The low fluid was enough to move forward with a birthday (SQUEEEEE) but there was a possibility that I could labor and deliver Dru and still have to have a C section to get Roxy out. #strikethat

My BF Gigi showed up to love on me and braid my hair. Meredith and Ashley (two of my friends who happen to be deaf) showed up and provided me with some much needed distraction while the nurses hooked me up to fluids.

When we started rolling into the OR I had a calm come over me. I knew I was going to be medicated, I knew I had taken good care of my babies while they grew and I was so excited to meet them that day!

It was all fun and games as I lifted my dead legs onto the operating table and the numbness spread to my chest. I remembered my cousin telling me to breathe through my nose so I could monitor my breaths. I don't know if I did that but I did say the Lord's Prayer at least 90 times.

I think funny little nuances are what really makes a birth story memorable so you should probably note these few things:

-I got shaved... with visitors...even the  birth photographer was present.
-We smuggled a styrofoam cooler full of ice into the Operating Room (for us to steal our own placentas)
-We smuggled two placentas out of the the operating room to be encapsulated.
-Hyperventilated.
-Vomited.
-I thanked God for the curtain.
-Saved by the anesthesiologist. S A V E D.
-Guts in a bucket. #thingsyoucantunsee #poortrey
-dark comedy in the recovery room with Gigi. #neveradullmoment
-TWO healthy babies. THANK YOU JESUS.

Our first moment of togetherness!

BF, baby, hubs- LOVE LOVE LOVE

The pain that I felt after the surgery was intense. The nurses told me that sometimes air gets trapped in your chest and it creates sharp pain in your chest. THAT was what hurt me the most. Not the incision. I'm not embarrassed to tell you that I was excited to see my belly. I hadn't seen my toes in months but who cares? I made Gigi take a picture of my belly while in the recovery room. They pretty much take the babies, everyone leaves. (My husband and the photographer-but not the Anesthesiologist bless her) They put your guts from the bucket back into your body and *fingers crossed* it all goes back into place and they sew you up. The hit me on the wall on the way into "recovery" but I just laughed because-drugs.

Gigi ran in after I had been lying there for a while wondering when I would see the babies and showed me a ton of pictures and loved on me and told me all what was going on with them. They needed some oxygen for a while and feedings through a tube- but they were healthy and they were amazing and they were HERE! 10/11/14

Welcome to the World Little Ones!

Daddy Prayed

I stayed in recovery for another hour and was transferred back to my room. I had pressure cuffs on my legs, two IVs, a stomach full of stitches, hella pain in my chest and my boobs were aching and filling like crazy but their request was "get some rest". (Insert obvious eye roll here)

Twelve hours of pain meds, prayer, tears and 'rest' I finally met my babies for the first time. Trey and I skinned to skinned until they kicked us out. It was a beautiful morning. 

Daddy and Roxy

Me and Dru

My first hold on the outside. 

I could tell this story a thousand different ways but NHance Photography pretty much nailed it.

Our birth video RATED G- and after the whole heart thing..

Password to see this very personal experience of a lifetime is: dembabies

ETA

Time. We talk about it all the time. We should hang out sometime. You can call me anytime. I remember that one time. Time flies. Time heals all wounds. It will happen when the time is right..

      We the people that form the extremely imperfect union of humanity put a lot of pressure on time. 

My favorite mind boggler to brain about is God's timing. While perfect- it is totally unknown to me and fully known to Him. I don't know what His timing computes as-but I imagine it runs somewhere close to Hawaiian time. 

We want time to slow down, but we countdown to an important event. In other news: The Scalfs has been having quite a good time lately. We spent a month in Key West (We=Me, Tia and babes) while Trey came back and forth to work and do the adulting in Denton. Meanwhile I drank Mai-Tais on the beach with an umbrella and beach service from my chair overlooking the- oh wait. I have babies. So let's be real, although my trip didn't look like the aforementioned scenario I still enjoyed it and appreciated it more than words can say- but I was the momager. Keeping the peace with two teething babies requires planning, but not a miracle. I just try and take the time to pack well and be prepared for everything, every time. 

Play time in Key West

First taste of ice-cream 

First taste of ice cream

Sink Baths

Dad and the mahi mahi

Trey's surprise for me!

\

Trey's tattoo #2

AM Family time on the pier

He's still the one...

Last dinner at Pepe's

Swimming babies

Happy BD to me

Birthday Flowers

Lettuce Turnip the Beets

Birthday Flowers

Kisses

Empathy

Hogfish Bar and Grill

My little flower child

First pizza crust

Higgs Beach-Last Day

Leaving the Keys

Lunch at Zaxby's

Since I have become a mom I am hyper aware of how quick the time goes-mostly because we are busy all the time.(See what I did there?) But one of the interesting thing is how riddled with timing raising kids has become. We count down the days until baby arrives and then we count the weeks, months, years of their lives and we wrap our lives in TIMING..etc etc.

 Time plays an integral part in child development. I have SO ENJOYED #dembabies taking their time to crawl. Dru is all over the place since July 26. He is still technically doing more of a slither but he is fast and in the last few nights has been rocking on his hands and knees so his full on crawl should be happening soon. I was not concerned that he wasn't crawling yet because I have SO enjoyed him staying put right in my arms where all is right in my world. Moms are always posting about how time is going too fast, and time should slow down so I am O B S E S S E D with taking in every sniff, every snuggle, every hug, every lean, every kiss, every smile, every giggle E V E R Y day. This creates a more manageable environment for me in which I don't feel like time is flying by me. I force myself to be present in moments so that I can take mental snapshots of my baby girl putting her chubby little hands on my face and smiling a big toothy smile and my little boy shyly resting his head on my shoulder when a stranger gives him attention. Roxy isn't ready to crawl yet and I am just fine with doing things in her own time.

Here's a bit from the babies' 8 month Photo session. I love documenting these moments.

So- until next time. xoxo