Wednesday, June 10, 2015

8 month musings

My mommy age is 8 months. I have lots of experience from early in life- but this? This is what really really counts.

 As I type this I have one very happy, thoughtful, patient, shrieking girl in my lap. She says "mama" and every wall I have ever built comes tumbling down and I melt into a puddle of pure love. Her fat rolly poly arms are my favorite- second only to her huge, whole-faced smile. She is precious- not only because God created her and picked her specifically for me- not only because she couldn't be more loved by me and her daddy and her brothers and her family- but because her spirit is pure and kind and gentle. As often as I can I try to revert back to seeing things through her eyes- simple and real. She creates in me a want to be a better mom, a better woman and a better friend. She looks at her brother with her big blue eyes so thoughtfully- she knows he will get his needs met first because he is more vocal and she assures him with her gentle stare that she will wait..She will smile in a towel, or a swimsuit or a carseat- she will wait for Dru to go first. She reaches out to hold his hand when he's sad and she looks at him with a concerned sister look when he's crying or doesn't feel well. She gently reaches for her Daddy's beard to show that as the hours of the day went by- his face was never far from her mind. She nuzzles into his arms and sinks into the crook while she infiltrates every part of his daddy being and wins him over, for good..over and over again.

Dru has been a fighter from the day he was born. He took a little slower to some things than Roxy did. He struggled with a few blips at the hospital but you would never know it now. Dru is the epitome of joy. He is never greedy with his toothy grins and when his laugh fills my ears my heart overflows into my guts and what was once a love puddle is now just a big ole pile of feels. Dru doesn't stop. He kicks and jumps and flails and hops and smiles and laughs. He loves to be on the move. (See pre-partum discomfort) Two weeks ago, at swim lessons, Dru leaned over and grabbed his sister's head and went in for a kiss- mouth open wide and tongue out. I have never felt joy like this before in my life. All the "yeah yeah yeah" I did before I was their mom has transformed into a "no-for real." Dru sits in the stroller as we push him through airports and festivals and malls and he creates relationships with people on the go. Most of the time they don't even bother to look up at me- they are mesmerized by his long dark eyelashes and the grins he gives for just looking his way. He makes peoples' day and I have absolutely nothing to do with it. This is why I fell in love with his daddy. He can make my day just by seeing his real smile. Both of my guys- so gorgeous- I mean. Come. On.

#dembabies are going to be 8 months old tomorrow and yes it seems like it's going fast and yes I want time to slow down but mostly? I'm just happy to be here. I'm happy to be a part of this. I am happy to be daily pouring into 2 humans that will be raised to pour into others. I am happy that they bring so much joy not only to our little family at home but to their grandparents. OH MY. They bring so much joy to my mom and Dad and Trey's parents.  I enjoy watching the special relationships form and the smiles and laughter. I love watching how our parents LIGHT UP around the kids and suddenly they are the best versions of themselves too. It is crazy how that happens.

I have done my due diligence to read and study and dig and get in line with the best way for me to raise our little family 2.0. Trey has done this before- his daddy age is 21 and he is still growing and going with the flow and bettering himself as a parent. I hope to still be trying to be a better parent when #dembabies are 21. Until then I will just be the best version of God's vision that I can and still give myself grace when I mess up along the way.

For now- I have a patient little girl who needs to play with mommy and a big toothy smiling boy waiting to get up from his nap.

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